My Beloved Tree............!

Routine life, Routine days. After a while, it becomes dull. It was the same with me. Life should be happening. It should be intertwined with the routine and the unpredictable. Else, there is no fun.

Bored with the sameness, one day, I just ventured out. Not to any particular place, just out. No aim, no destination. Just to go where my feet takes me. And as I kept walking, I happened to end up in a garden. Lush green and colourful. Anyone would have fallen in love with that place. Such was the beauty of it, that you just could not take your eyes of it. Once there, all my frustration and irritation vanished. Vanished into thin air. It was as if, I was in some sort of magical spell. Slowly, I started exploring the garden. It got even more beautiful as I ventured deeper into it.

Flowers of various kinds. Plain white, some red, cute pink and what not. You name the colour and you find a flower of that colour there. It was a dreamland. A wonderful place to be at. And in midst of this garden there was a waterfall. Pure whilte water falling down with so much pressure from the rocks. The rocks black to the core. The contrast made it even more eye-catching. Beside it, was a tree, comlpetely covered with flowers and fruits. White flowers and orangish red fruits. The fruits grabbed your attention. Its colour made you feel that it was fiery and raging. But when you saw the flowers, you realised that beneath this rage, there was calm. There was a love for peace. But people tend to overlook the flowers. However, I loved this combination of fiery peace. Hahaha....That was something. A contradiction co-existing. It pleased me. It appealed to me. And I wanted it to be a part of my garden. I wanted it to beautify my life. So here I was, plucking at its fruits and flowers, trying to find a seed that I could take home and plant in my garden.

After trying hard for a long time, I was successful. I got a seed that may take shape of the tree later some time. So, with the tiny life in my hand, I set out towards my home.

My home had a garden of its own. Not very attractive, may be, but beautiful enough. And now with this tree, it would become the dream of every garden lover. I had promised myself that I would take such good care of this tree, that everyone would crave for a garden of my types.

Once there, I sowed the seed. Watered it. Every day I used to have a look at it, to know if it sprouted. To know, if the seed would see the world. After many unfruitful days, I saw it. I saw a tiny, delicate leaf peep out of the ground. As if afraid to face the world. Wondering if it could trust the world around to let it grow into a full fledged tree. With such doubts, it slowly took root. With passing days, it slowly grew with its head held high. And I felt proud to watch it grow. To believe, that I was a part of its growth.

Meanwhile, I overlooked the rest of the garden. I was so engrossed in taking care of this little baby of mine, that I forgot to care for other plants. Initially, I watered them and cared for them as I did for this new comer. But slowly as I saw my beloved tree grow, I wanted it to be the best part of my garden and I overlooked the others. Earlier I used to remove the weeds from the entire garden atleast once a week. But after planting this tree, the number of times I removed weeds grew lesser and lesser.

I did not bother about others. All I wanted is to have this tree. And with time, it grew. It grew to be the best. And anyone who had a look at my garden always said, that this was the best part of my garden. The part where this tree grew. My Beloved Tree!

And then, one day it blossomed. It bloomed with flowers and in a few days with fruits. It looked as beautiful as it had in dat magical garden. It drew everyone's attention. Its fruits just as fiery and its flowers as calming as I had seen there. Wow...! It was a wonderful sight. Everyday I got up and refreshed myself with its sight. And everyday I used to feel a new vigour within myself when I devoured its beauty with my eyes. It used to be the most wonderful moment of my day, of my life.

There were times when I stood by the tree, sat under its shelter resting assured that no trouble could touch me. Knowing that with it I could face any obstacle head on. Because, it inspired me by the way it grew. It taught me patience. It taught me determination. It taught me to face troubles without flinching. I used to sit and talk with it. People might have considered me mad, because as it is obvious, trees do not speak. Yet, I spent time speaking to it. Little did others know, that it had its own way of speaking. It spoke to me, yes, it did. Through the rustling of its leaves, through the blooming of the flowers, through the fruits that ripened. It spoke to me continuously, but no one ever realised this fact. And I did not care about it.

The days passed and everyday I used to feel that the tree was new in my garden. That it had never been there before. But suddenly one day, I could feel its lush green colour fade. I realised that the tree that used to be ladden with flowers and fruits are somehow, a bit barren. I felt that it was just my imagination. I consoled myself by saying that it was purely my feeling and that tomorrow it would be better. And tomorrow came and went. But still there was no improvement. If anything, it only became worse.

That is when, I looked around trying to find an answer, as to what went wrong. Why my tree is not blossoming as it used to. And I realised, I saw for the first time in many days, that my garden was no more beautiful. While tending for this loving tree of mine, I overlooked all the other plants in my garden and so now, my garden was full of weeds. Full of unwanted outgrowths. And they were sucking away life from my plants, my garden.

And now, the weeds had grown so much that somewhere beneath it reached my beloved tree. It sucked away life from it. The tree that faced all storms and rains with its head held high, was now weak. It now did not have any beauty left to it. All the unwanted and unnecessary things had eaten up my tree. It had made it hollow. That is when I realised my carelessness. Till then it never registered in my mind that I was damaging my garden. That the extra care and love that I was raining on my tree was actually gonna harm it. That is when I realised that all the while, I was neglecting the rest of my garden. And for me to realise this, my beloved tree had to be harmed. Till then I was blind. Blind with, I dunno what.....!

Everyone said, it was too late. They said that I could not save my garden. But adamant as I am, I wanted to try. I did not want to accept defeat without trying. Without giving myself another chance. If I accepted defeat then, I could never have forgiven myself . So there, I started all over again. I removed the weeds from the entire garden. I had to do it almost twice a week. I had to put in extra efforts. But then it was my mistake. Aint it? So I had to pay for it. And I did not mind the work. All I wanted to do is, Save My Garden. And yippee.....! after almost 2-3 months of continuous effort I saved it.

However, my tree had lost its charm. It did not give me another chance. With every passing day,. I was losing it. It was almost completely rotting. I could not help but cry. My beloved tree, for whom I was trying so much, there seemed no way to save it. What could I do? What would help me save it? I only had that single Question circling my mind always. Even now, I wonder, if there is something that could save it.

I tried every rule of the book and otherwise, but all in vain. There seemed to be a little improvement. The tree started blooming again. But its colour had faded a bit. The fruits were hollow within. The rot existed even when outwardly, the tree seemed fine. I tried giving it the best environment, the best fertilizers. But my efforts were not paid for. The tree had, slowly and gradually, stopped supporting my efforts. It was not going to give me a second chance, it seemed.

Some mistakes are such, I believe, you never get a chance to rectify. You have to be pefect right from the beginning. You can not afford to commit a mistake. I learnt it that day, in a hard way.

Even now, I am confused. I do not know what to do. I can not stand to see the tree rotting away like this. Life was oozing away from the tree. The same tree which I wanted to be the best, today it was dying a slow death. And I feel helpless. There is no way I can save it. What do I do in such a situation? Only one thought strikes me. Shall I uproot it? Shall I chop it off, in such a way that it never lives again? That it never sees the light of day? But how shall I do it? I can not do it myself! I do not have enough guts to break away from it. It seems I would die along with it. What can be done?

There seems to be no other way. I can not see any. Finally, I guess, I have to chop it off. To cut it off completely from my life. But still I keep a seed with me. With a hope to plant it some other place in my garden. To still have it in my life. And this time around, I promise to take care of the entire garden, not my beloved tree alone. I hope I am successful. I hope it blooms in my life again.

Ha....! Thats the optimist in me. Never dies. Always keeps that ray of light in sight. Never ready to accept defeat. May be it will help me some time.

What may I do to save my tree? Can anyone tell me?? Help me out.

Provoked...!!!

As I look around, I find so much beauty that I wonder how much care and pain its creator might have taken to bring together this masterpiece of art and imagination. Its not an easy task, I am sure. But we, the ones who have been gifted with such beautiful place to live in, tend to take it for granted. Have anyone of us ever tried to know and realise the damage we are doing to it? Do we have the time to just stop and think? We are so tied up in our own lil world that we dont realise that we, knowingly or unknowingly, are scarring it........!

I have always been put to thought, forced by circumstances or by choice, and I have many a times decided to take the untrodden path, to realise my potential. And to be Different from others. But never have I thought of jotting down my opinions, my beliefs and my thoughts. But today, after reading another blog, I feel like speaking about everything that has been going through my mind for so long now.

We, as humans are said to be different from animals. Different 'coz we have the ability to think and comprehend. And 'coz we are gifted with brains that help us know right from wrong. I repeat we are "said" to be different.

Yes, I do doubt if we are different. 'Coz we tend not to think, not to realize what our actions might mean and do to someone else. Its so sad that we can not have a single day without violence! Just to speak about an incident which occured months back but has left a lasting mark on my mind.

Local trains are the lifeline of Mumbaitees. But it can very well become a reason for your death. Firstly, the trains are so jam packed that you rarely can breath when in it. And to add to it, you always have these fights for a place to sit or stand properly. Just imagine people already frustrated or irritated by their personal woes getting into a fight there, it can get so ugly. That is exactly what happened one morning....! The person who started the fight was very well to be blamed but, what happened thereafter was baffling. This man, strong and muscualr, gave a punch to a lean college guy. The punch was so hard that the guy started feeling giddy. Seeing this, others in the train, first bad mouthed the man. But later, they all came together and started hitting that person unmercifully. So many people against just one man......!!!!

Whatever be the extent of fault of the man, no one can justify such an unfathomable act!

How could we act in such a manner? How could we become so inconsiderate of others? How can we ever justify such an act? I can think of no way and no situation in which you can take such drastic steps! How can you be sure that - "that person did not act out of insanity?" Can not there be chances that the person actually suffered from some mental imbalance which made him act that way? Could you have done the same thing to your own child, if he/she were to be mentally imbalanced? You could not hurt /her yourself and you would never spare the one who would hurt your child....! Before you act, give it a thought. Think if whatever you are doing is right or wrong?

I, personally believe, that whatever the mistakes committed by a person, he/she should be forgiven. And in no way should he/she be treated so inconsiderately by others.

People are increasingly becoming intolerant. Whatever be the reasons behind it - stress, the ever-increasing workload- it can in no way be a justification for your unreasonable acts.

Another recent example to which everyone reacted, was the India-Australia series. The way Australians treated the "men in blue" is well known, by now. Indians did react, but intelligently. They did not create a ruckus on the field by retaliating verbally. Instead, they chose to react by way of cricket itself. And the rest is history.

They could very well have acted similar to the Australians and the result would have been ugly. And it would have tarnished the image of Indians. They could also have withdrawn from the match without fighting back. But no, they fought and they won. That is the right way to retaliate, to revenge, to strike back...!

It would do the world a lot of good to imbibe this quality within each one of us. To have patience and to act intelligently. To know that hurting others would do no good. To realize that - "an eye for an eye could actually make the whole world blind".

A NEW ME......!

A new year has opened up bringing along so many different possibilities of fun, masti, time pass, success, hard work, achievements, friends, happiness and some sorrow. It has just started and it has already thrown my way some good and bad moments.

A nascent leaf has just taken life. The pale green colour, the beauty that it withholds, it is wonderful. Its delicate structure, its vulnerability, its many possibilities can never be explained in words. A dew drop on this tiny leaf, the early morning rays penetrating this tiny being, one cannot ever fully describe such beauty. Words fall short.

Life in this New Year is just like this dew drop, dancing and playing lightly on the edges of the tiny leaf. As the rays penetrate it, it can either shine brightly, in happiness. Or it can slide down and SHATTER into innumerable and uncountable smaller drops adding much more meaning to life.

There have been so many wondrous moments after 2008 has rolled in that my life has been colored with bright shades. And the few bad moments that had been thrown in, that shattered me, have added a darker hue to my life. But these worse moments have mingled so beautifully with the brighter and much happier moments that they have painted a much more meaningful picture of my life.

The brighter shades have so very much overcome the darker shades that even in the presence of these dark hues, the portrait of my life seems lively with colors.

And I am only very happy to acknowledge and understand this NEW ME…! A girl who otherwise might have appeared to be depressed and heartbroken, shattered and sorrow-struck, is now smiling and happy inspite of the situation she is in!

I have just fallen deeply in love with this new girl, the NEW ME…..!

The past year has taught me 2 important lessons –

• However close you get to anyone, keep enough distance. Don’t suffocate and kill them with so much love, care and affection that they run away from you.

• Every individual has a particular role to play in your life, once he/she is done with that, he/she will not remain with you. How much ever you try to keep them, they will move away to lead their own life. You can’t tie them to you. In fact don’t even try to tie them, it will only bring you hurt and pain. Thank them for all that they have given to you and wish them the best in their life and let them go.

Insecure...

Life moves on...
Bedecked with some happy moments...
N some bad ones scattered in between....
Both together makes life, i know....

But still why do I feel down???
Why do I want you with me now???
Why my love feels insecure???
Why cant I handle when you are not near???

Why do I love you so much???
That I cant bear you with anyone else???
Its not good I know...
Infact its the worst one can get...

I know..!!! I know...!!! I am being bad...!!!
I know I am going far...
But still I cant handle myself...
I love you so much... Why????

Am I possessed???
Or have I gone far???
Have I become obssessed about you???
Am I really being bad???

I cant trust myself....
I cant trust what I do....
I know I am going far...
But still there is nothing I can do...

Save me...!!! I pray endlessly...
Forgive me if I do anything wrong...
Help me when I falter...
N bash me for being bad...

I love you too much...
Mebbe I am just afraid to lose....
I miss you....my love...
I hope u accept me for d bad dat I am....

The feeling of being SOMEONE'S....

How does it feel…?
When someone whom you love,
Truly and Deeply…
Just stops talking…
Doesn’t give a reason…
N blames you of not loving them…?

It’s killing…
N you just wanna cry…
You want to shake him up…
N tell him that u LOVE him,
To tell him that he is wrong…!
But he is ANGRY….! He is not speakin….!

You feel like u r going CRAZY….
That the world is MAD at u….
That nothing is going right….
N that your LOVE is not understood…
Why can’t he see beyond the mask I wear….
Why can’t he read my eyes…n listen to ma heart….!
N feel ma LOVE…?

M blaming him n I wanna hit him hard…
But then why don’t I realize…
Why can’t I see…
That m the one who is wrong….
That I don’t understand…
That he considers me his…
That I am being loved….?
N that His anger….is his LOVE in disguise…


Coz u don’t get angry on someone whom u don’t consider yours……

Sitting at a seashore, gazing at the sea. It appears to be so calm. Flowing quietly, small waves coming in from the oblivion and dying at the shore. A silent death. So beautiful and so calm. Far away at a distance, the sea merging with the blue blue sky. Their convergence, the horizon!!! How wonderful it looks.

Everything is so peaceful without! But within? Is it as peaceful? Is it this calm? Does the sea flow just as silently within, as it flows at the surface? Is the sky as calm as it appears to be? The beautifully dressed up earth, what is the reason behind its beauty? Does there exist such beauty deep under the earth's surface?

No!!! Everything that appears calm and beautiful without, has a turmoil within! Everything is beautiful! Everyone has beauty! But the turmoil that goes on inside, enhances its beauty.

A simple smile on a person's face! It looks so charming, isn't it? Adds so much grace to that person! Beautifies them, but more than that it spreads warmth. It brightens up so many lives. But have you given it a thought? Have you ever cared to know? What is behind that smile? What's the truth behind that mask? More often than not, its a chaos! An emotional turmoil that mystifies them!

Emotions playing within, striking and contradicting each other. Adding to the strife that's already there. Emotions, that make you smile nut that makes you cry as well! Its a task to rule over them and remain sane when insanity rules within. Its a task, to smile when you dont know what you are going through, when you cant understand yourself! Life takes you to such an edge time and again!

Sentiments that drive you crazy! Feelings that you cant accept! I am afraid to realize what I feel. I am afraid to accept my feelings. I am afraid to acknowledge them! I fear of losing that I wanna treasure! I am afraid of the future, that I dont konw!

The dream seems to be too beautiful to be true! I want it that way, I wanna accept it! But I am afraid of it getting shattered. Shattered, into million pieces that I wont be able to collect!!!

I am afraid of my EMOTIONS!!! I am afraid of MYSELF!!!

I wanna love you but I am afraid......

Relationships, today, do not exist. Today’s world is so fast, u tend to lose touch. U might not intend to, but u have no time for d most loved ones. U wanna be with that special someone in your life, U wanna let your friends know that they r cared for n that they do mean so much to u. But u have no time!!!

And in today’s world, relationships are not easy to handle. U need to work every way to make them feel that they are cared for n that they are treasured.

Love, today, means that u take care of the smallest of things. Dammit!! Do u have the time to do so? Can u take care that every single thing is dealt with by u yourself??? Is it humanly possible that u alone reach-out and do all the things for your loved ones???

Love does not and can never mean fulfilling formalities. It does not mean that u spend every waking moment with your dear ones. It means to understand the silence of each other. It means to know that even in their busy schedule they care for you. It means to know that wherever they are they love you the same way as they used to.

It just means to be there for each other and to LOVE each other without reservations and without expectations.

LOVE, for one thing, is not formalities. It goes BEYOND that. It goes beyond everything. It is EVERYWHERE. It is in ME!! It is in U!!

It just means to LOVE....

So Love ya....Alwayzzzzzzzzz