My Beloved Tree............!

Routine life, Routine days. After a while, it becomes dull. It was the same with me. Life should be happening. It should be intertwined with the routine and the unpredictable. Else, there is no fun.

Bored with the sameness, one day, I just ventured out. Not to any particular place, just out. No aim, no destination. Just to go where my feet takes me. And as I kept walking, I happened to end up in a garden. Lush green and colourful. Anyone would have fallen in love with that place. Such was the beauty of it, that you just could not take your eyes of it. Once there, all my frustration and irritation vanished. Vanished into thin air. It was as if, I was in some sort of magical spell. Slowly, I started exploring the garden. It got even more beautiful as I ventured deeper into it.

Flowers of various kinds. Plain white, some red, cute pink and what not. You name the colour and you find a flower of that colour there. It was a dreamland. A wonderful place to be at. And in midst of this garden there was a waterfall. Pure whilte water falling down with so much pressure from the rocks. The rocks black to the core. The contrast made it even more eye-catching. Beside it, was a tree, comlpetely covered with flowers and fruits. White flowers and orangish red fruits. The fruits grabbed your attention. Its colour made you feel that it was fiery and raging. But when you saw the flowers, you realised that beneath this rage, there was calm. There was a love for peace. But people tend to overlook the flowers. However, I loved this combination of fiery peace. Hahaha....That was something. A contradiction co-existing. It pleased me. It appealed to me. And I wanted it to be a part of my garden. I wanted it to beautify my life. So here I was, plucking at its fruits and flowers, trying to find a seed that I could take home and plant in my garden.

After trying hard for a long time, I was successful. I got a seed that may take shape of the tree later some time. So, with the tiny life in my hand, I set out towards my home.

My home had a garden of its own. Not very attractive, may be, but beautiful enough. And now with this tree, it would become the dream of every garden lover. I had promised myself that I would take such good care of this tree, that everyone would crave for a garden of my types.

Once there, I sowed the seed. Watered it. Every day I used to have a look at it, to know if it sprouted. To know, if the seed would see the world. After many unfruitful days, I saw it. I saw a tiny, delicate leaf peep out of the ground. As if afraid to face the world. Wondering if it could trust the world around to let it grow into a full fledged tree. With such doubts, it slowly took root. With passing days, it slowly grew with its head held high. And I felt proud to watch it grow. To believe, that I was a part of its growth.

Meanwhile, I overlooked the rest of the garden. I was so engrossed in taking care of this little baby of mine, that I forgot to care for other plants. Initially, I watered them and cared for them as I did for this new comer. But slowly as I saw my beloved tree grow, I wanted it to be the best part of my garden and I overlooked the others. Earlier I used to remove the weeds from the entire garden atleast once a week. But after planting this tree, the number of times I removed weeds grew lesser and lesser.

I did not bother about others. All I wanted is to have this tree. And with time, it grew. It grew to be the best. And anyone who had a look at my garden always said, that this was the best part of my garden. The part where this tree grew. My Beloved Tree!

And then, one day it blossomed. It bloomed with flowers and in a few days with fruits. It looked as beautiful as it had in dat magical garden. It drew everyone's attention. Its fruits just as fiery and its flowers as calming as I had seen there. Wow...! It was a wonderful sight. Everyday I got up and refreshed myself with its sight. And everyday I used to feel a new vigour within myself when I devoured its beauty with my eyes. It used to be the most wonderful moment of my day, of my life.

There were times when I stood by the tree, sat under its shelter resting assured that no trouble could touch me. Knowing that with it I could face any obstacle head on. Because, it inspired me by the way it grew. It taught me patience. It taught me determination. It taught me to face troubles without flinching. I used to sit and talk with it. People might have considered me mad, because as it is obvious, trees do not speak. Yet, I spent time speaking to it. Little did others know, that it had its own way of speaking. It spoke to me, yes, it did. Through the rustling of its leaves, through the blooming of the flowers, through the fruits that ripened. It spoke to me continuously, but no one ever realised this fact. And I did not care about it.

The days passed and everyday I used to feel that the tree was new in my garden. That it had never been there before. But suddenly one day, I could feel its lush green colour fade. I realised that the tree that used to be ladden with flowers and fruits are somehow, a bit barren. I felt that it was just my imagination. I consoled myself by saying that it was purely my feeling and that tomorrow it would be better. And tomorrow came and went. But still there was no improvement. If anything, it only became worse.

That is when, I looked around trying to find an answer, as to what went wrong. Why my tree is not blossoming as it used to. And I realised, I saw for the first time in many days, that my garden was no more beautiful. While tending for this loving tree of mine, I overlooked all the other plants in my garden and so now, my garden was full of weeds. Full of unwanted outgrowths. And they were sucking away life from my plants, my garden.

And now, the weeds had grown so much that somewhere beneath it reached my beloved tree. It sucked away life from it. The tree that faced all storms and rains with its head held high, was now weak. It now did not have any beauty left to it. All the unwanted and unnecessary things had eaten up my tree. It had made it hollow. That is when I realised my carelessness. Till then it never registered in my mind that I was damaging my garden. That the extra care and love that I was raining on my tree was actually gonna harm it. That is when I realised that all the while, I was neglecting the rest of my garden. And for me to realise this, my beloved tree had to be harmed. Till then I was blind. Blind with, I dunno what.....!

Everyone said, it was too late. They said that I could not save my garden. But adamant as I am, I wanted to try. I did not want to accept defeat without trying. Without giving myself another chance. If I accepted defeat then, I could never have forgiven myself . So there, I started all over again. I removed the weeds from the entire garden. I had to do it almost twice a week. I had to put in extra efforts. But then it was my mistake. Aint it? So I had to pay for it. And I did not mind the work. All I wanted to do is, Save My Garden. And yippee.....! after almost 2-3 months of continuous effort I saved it.

However, my tree had lost its charm. It did not give me another chance. With every passing day,. I was losing it. It was almost completely rotting. I could not help but cry. My beloved tree, for whom I was trying so much, there seemed no way to save it. What could I do? What would help me save it? I only had that single Question circling my mind always. Even now, I wonder, if there is something that could save it.

I tried every rule of the book and otherwise, but all in vain. There seemed to be a little improvement. The tree started blooming again. But its colour had faded a bit. The fruits were hollow within. The rot existed even when outwardly, the tree seemed fine. I tried giving it the best environment, the best fertilizers. But my efforts were not paid for. The tree had, slowly and gradually, stopped supporting my efforts. It was not going to give me a second chance, it seemed.

Some mistakes are such, I believe, you never get a chance to rectify. You have to be pefect right from the beginning. You can not afford to commit a mistake. I learnt it that day, in a hard way.

Even now, I am confused. I do not know what to do. I can not stand to see the tree rotting away like this. Life was oozing away from the tree. The same tree which I wanted to be the best, today it was dying a slow death. And I feel helpless. There is no way I can save it. What do I do in such a situation? Only one thought strikes me. Shall I uproot it? Shall I chop it off, in such a way that it never lives again? That it never sees the light of day? But how shall I do it? I can not do it myself! I do not have enough guts to break away from it. It seems I would die along with it. What can be done?

There seems to be no other way. I can not see any. Finally, I guess, I have to chop it off. To cut it off completely from my life. But still I keep a seed with me. With a hope to plant it some other place in my garden. To still have it in my life. And this time around, I promise to take care of the entire garden, not my beloved tree alone. I hope I am successful. I hope it blooms in my life again.

Ha....! Thats the optimist in me. Never dies. Always keeps that ray of light in sight. Never ready to accept defeat. May be it will help me some time.

What may I do to save my tree? Can anyone tell me?? Help me out.

Provoked...!!!

As I look around, I find so much beauty that I wonder how much care and pain its creator might have taken to bring together this masterpiece of art and imagination. Its not an easy task, I am sure. But we, the ones who have been gifted with such beautiful place to live in, tend to take it for granted. Have anyone of us ever tried to know and realise the damage we are doing to it? Do we have the time to just stop and think? We are so tied up in our own lil world that we dont realise that we, knowingly or unknowingly, are scarring it........!

I have always been put to thought, forced by circumstances or by choice, and I have many a times decided to take the untrodden path, to realise my potential. And to be Different from others. But never have I thought of jotting down my opinions, my beliefs and my thoughts. But today, after reading another blog, I feel like speaking about everything that has been going through my mind for so long now.

We, as humans are said to be different from animals. Different 'coz we have the ability to think and comprehend. And 'coz we are gifted with brains that help us know right from wrong. I repeat we are "said" to be different.

Yes, I do doubt if we are different. 'Coz we tend not to think, not to realize what our actions might mean and do to someone else. Its so sad that we can not have a single day without violence! Just to speak about an incident which occured months back but has left a lasting mark on my mind.

Local trains are the lifeline of Mumbaitees. But it can very well become a reason for your death. Firstly, the trains are so jam packed that you rarely can breath when in it. And to add to it, you always have these fights for a place to sit or stand properly. Just imagine people already frustrated or irritated by their personal woes getting into a fight there, it can get so ugly. That is exactly what happened one morning....! The person who started the fight was very well to be blamed but, what happened thereafter was baffling. This man, strong and muscualr, gave a punch to a lean college guy. The punch was so hard that the guy started feeling giddy. Seeing this, others in the train, first bad mouthed the man. But later, they all came together and started hitting that person unmercifully. So many people against just one man......!!!!

Whatever be the extent of fault of the man, no one can justify such an unfathomable act!

How could we act in such a manner? How could we become so inconsiderate of others? How can we ever justify such an act? I can think of no way and no situation in which you can take such drastic steps! How can you be sure that - "that person did not act out of insanity?" Can not there be chances that the person actually suffered from some mental imbalance which made him act that way? Could you have done the same thing to your own child, if he/she were to be mentally imbalanced? You could not hurt /her yourself and you would never spare the one who would hurt your child....! Before you act, give it a thought. Think if whatever you are doing is right or wrong?

I, personally believe, that whatever the mistakes committed by a person, he/she should be forgiven. And in no way should he/she be treated so inconsiderately by others.

People are increasingly becoming intolerant. Whatever be the reasons behind it - stress, the ever-increasing workload- it can in no way be a justification for your unreasonable acts.

Another recent example to which everyone reacted, was the India-Australia series. The way Australians treated the "men in blue" is well known, by now. Indians did react, but intelligently. They did not create a ruckus on the field by retaliating verbally. Instead, they chose to react by way of cricket itself. And the rest is history.

They could very well have acted similar to the Australians and the result would have been ugly. And it would have tarnished the image of Indians. They could also have withdrawn from the match without fighting back. But no, they fought and they won. That is the right way to retaliate, to revenge, to strike back...!

It would do the world a lot of good to imbibe this quality within each one of us. To have patience and to act intelligently. To know that hurting others would do no good. To realize that - "an eye for an eye could actually make the whole world blind".

A NEW ME......!

A new year has opened up bringing along so many different possibilities of fun, masti, time pass, success, hard work, achievements, friends, happiness and some sorrow. It has just started and it has already thrown my way some good and bad moments.

A nascent leaf has just taken life. The pale green colour, the beauty that it withholds, it is wonderful. Its delicate structure, its vulnerability, its many possibilities can never be explained in words. A dew drop on this tiny leaf, the early morning rays penetrating this tiny being, one cannot ever fully describe such beauty. Words fall short.

Life in this New Year is just like this dew drop, dancing and playing lightly on the edges of the tiny leaf. As the rays penetrate it, it can either shine brightly, in happiness. Or it can slide down and SHATTER into innumerable and uncountable smaller drops adding much more meaning to life.

There have been so many wondrous moments after 2008 has rolled in that my life has been colored with bright shades. And the few bad moments that had been thrown in, that shattered me, have added a darker hue to my life. But these worse moments have mingled so beautifully with the brighter and much happier moments that they have painted a much more meaningful picture of my life.

The brighter shades have so very much overcome the darker shades that even in the presence of these dark hues, the portrait of my life seems lively with colors.

And I am only very happy to acknowledge and understand this NEW ME…! A girl who otherwise might have appeared to be depressed and heartbroken, shattered and sorrow-struck, is now smiling and happy inspite of the situation she is in!

I have just fallen deeply in love with this new girl, the NEW ME…..!

The past year has taught me 2 important lessons –

• However close you get to anyone, keep enough distance. Don’t suffocate and kill them with so much love, care and affection that they run away from you.

• Every individual has a particular role to play in your life, once he/she is done with that, he/she will not remain with you. How much ever you try to keep them, they will move away to lead their own life. You can’t tie them to you. In fact don’t even try to tie them, it will only bring you hurt and pain. Thank them for all that they have given to you and wish them the best in their life and let them go.

Insecure...

Life moves on...
Bedecked with some happy moments...
N some bad ones scattered in between....
Both together makes life, i know....

But still why do I feel down???
Why do I want you with me now???
Why my love feels insecure???
Why cant I handle when you are not near???

Why do I love you so much???
That I cant bear you with anyone else???
Its not good I know...
Infact its the worst one can get...

I know..!!! I know...!!! I am being bad...!!!
I know I am going far...
But still I cant handle myself...
I love you so much... Why????

Am I possessed???
Or have I gone far???
Have I become obssessed about you???
Am I really being bad???

I cant trust myself....
I cant trust what I do....
I know I am going far...
But still there is nothing I can do...

Save me...!!! I pray endlessly...
Forgive me if I do anything wrong...
Help me when I falter...
N bash me for being bad...

I love you too much...
Mebbe I am just afraid to lose....
I miss you....my love...
I hope u accept me for d bad dat I am....

The feeling of being SOMEONE'S....

How does it feel…?
When someone whom you love,
Truly and Deeply…
Just stops talking…
Doesn’t give a reason…
N blames you of not loving them…?

It’s killing…
N you just wanna cry…
You want to shake him up…
N tell him that u LOVE him,
To tell him that he is wrong…!
But he is ANGRY….! He is not speakin….!

You feel like u r going CRAZY….
That the world is MAD at u….
That nothing is going right….
N that your LOVE is not understood…
Why can’t he see beyond the mask I wear….
Why can’t he read my eyes…n listen to ma heart….!
N feel ma LOVE…?

M blaming him n I wanna hit him hard…
But then why don’t I realize…
Why can’t I see…
That m the one who is wrong….
That I don’t understand…
That he considers me his…
That I am being loved….?
N that His anger….is his LOVE in disguise…


Coz u don’t get angry on someone whom u don’t consider yours……

Sitting at a seashore, gazing at the sea. It appears to be so calm. Flowing quietly, small waves coming in from the oblivion and dying at the shore. A silent death. So beautiful and so calm. Far away at a distance, the sea merging with the blue blue sky. Their convergence, the horizon!!! How wonderful it looks.

Everything is so peaceful without! But within? Is it as peaceful? Is it this calm? Does the sea flow just as silently within, as it flows at the surface? Is the sky as calm as it appears to be? The beautifully dressed up earth, what is the reason behind its beauty? Does there exist such beauty deep under the earth's surface?

No!!! Everything that appears calm and beautiful without, has a turmoil within! Everything is beautiful! Everyone has beauty! But the turmoil that goes on inside, enhances its beauty.

A simple smile on a person's face! It looks so charming, isn't it? Adds so much grace to that person! Beautifies them, but more than that it spreads warmth. It brightens up so many lives. But have you given it a thought? Have you ever cared to know? What is behind that smile? What's the truth behind that mask? More often than not, its a chaos! An emotional turmoil that mystifies them!

Emotions playing within, striking and contradicting each other. Adding to the strife that's already there. Emotions, that make you smile nut that makes you cry as well! Its a task to rule over them and remain sane when insanity rules within. Its a task, to smile when you dont know what you are going through, when you cant understand yourself! Life takes you to such an edge time and again!

Sentiments that drive you crazy! Feelings that you cant accept! I am afraid to realize what I feel. I am afraid to accept my feelings. I am afraid to acknowledge them! I fear of losing that I wanna treasure! I am afraid of the future, that I dont konw!

The dream seems to be too beautiful to be true! I want it that way, I wanna accept it! But I am afraid of it getting shattered. Shattered, into million pieces that I wont be able to collect!!!

I am afraid of my EMOTIONS!!! I am afraid of MYSELF!!!

I wanna love you but I am afraid......

Relationships, today, do not exist. Today’s world is so fast, u tend to lose touch. U might not intend to, but u have no time for d most loved ones. U wanna be with that special someone in your life, U wanna let your friends know that they r cared for n that they do mean so much to u. But u have no time!!!

And in today’s world, relationships are not easy to handle. U need to work every way to make them feel that they are cared for n that they are treasured.

Love, today, means that u take care of the smallest of things. Dammit!! Do u have the time to do so? Can u take care that every single thing is dealt with by u yourself??? Is it humanly possible that u alone reach-out and do all the things for your loved ones???

Love does not and can never mean fulfilling formalities. It does not mean that u spend every waking moment with your dear ones. It means to understand the silence of each other. It means to know that even in their busy schedule they care for you. It means to know that wherever they are they love you the same way as they used to.

It just means to be there for each other and to LOVE each other without reservations and without expectations.

LOVE, for one thing, is not formalities. It goes BEYOND that. It goes beyond everything. It is EVERYWHERE. It is in ME!! It is in U!!

It just means to LOVE....

So Love ya....Alwayzzzzzzzzz

Life and its ways!!!

Relationships tend to have a strange way about them. They take a different form with every passing moment. Some may just fade away from your memory, while yet others creep into your life in the most unexpected manner. Some, who already were a part of your life, become the special ones overnight. You really cant point out when, where, how and why relations take an unexpected turn.

There might be people in your life whom you respect and love. There might be people whom you wanna keep with yourselves throughout your life. There might be yet others who stay with you for just a few days and then move on into a special world of their own.

Relationships tend to end one day. There ain’t many that stand the test of time and go on to become immortal. But then, there ain’t anything that is immortal.

The one thing that, I suppose, all should understand is – Life brings us face to face with many people. Its not possible that everyone stay with us throughout. Its even more common to lose the ones whom we actually wanna tie to ourselves. That’s the norm of life. We don’t have to be sad about it. We don’t have to brood on it. You just need to realize that - you gave them the best of what you have. And got everything good that they could give to you. Now, there is nothing left to exchange. And, in this vast wide world there exists not a single thing that is not based on this rule – Give and Take. When there is nothing left to exchange then it dies a silent death. The same relation may be revived when again you have something to exchange. That is how life moves.

Very few people can stay together for long. Its true that we can call such relations as the true ones, the deep ones, which have some meaning to it. Such relations are those which are purely based on true emotions. Maybe love, may be respect, or may be some other. And these are the only things that can be exchanged endlessly. This makes those relations stand out.

Now the other question that pops up in my mind when you speak about love is, whether a guy and a gal can remain just friends and love each other for being just that? I believe that this is possible. But I have come across people who say that guys and gals can never remain just friends. I don’t know why they say that! I have not yet been able to understand the logic behind their statement.

I have people in my life whom I love truly, mostly guys. But that just doesn’t mean that I love them in a sense, where they are no more friends. This crap logic of people is just because they are not mature enough to understand emotions and relations ( that’s what I feel).

We don’t love people for what they are.. we love them for what they make us..when they are with us. We love them for the simple reason that we are ourselves when around them. Because we don’t put up an act when around them. Because that is when we are true to ourselves and others. I think that is when a relation becomes special!!!

When we are true to ourselves and the other person. Relationships really tend to have a way of their own!!

Xpct The Unxpctd!!!

It is soooooo unbelievable.....n soooooo unreal.....Yet it is d truth...the fact of LIFE....
It is the way of life....the MYSTERIOUS way of LIFE....!!!

Can u thnk of lovin smone whom u used to hate frm the core of ur heart??? Can u thnk about being frnds wit smone whom u nvr used to tlk wit???? Can u atleast imagine about tlkng to a person for hrs together when u r actually talkng to him for d 1st time????

Seems to b ver unreal, aint it???...seems to b impossible???

I dunno hw many of u vil agree wit it n hw many vil disagree...

Bt I can say one thing for sure that...I thought this to be really impossible..Bt nw I am forced to say that...."Yes, I can imagine all of the above stated things..."

Because, its not once but many times that I've experienced this. Its not a rare event but an occasional one in ma life. Infact, it is the norm of ma life for smtime nw....

Help has come to me frm the most unthought of corners...Love has been showered upon me by the ones whom I thought to b heartless....I have found a caring and supporting soul in the most hardened of hearts....

Friends on whom I used to bet my life have turned their backs on me (many a times...) And the ones whom I never imagined to be my friends ended being my treasures whom I couldn't afford to lose....

N d most unimaginary thng dat has latest happened in my life is to find smone who actually spks my thoughts...dreams my dream...n thnks d way I do...barring a few differences I cant find nythng dat differntiates me fr him...N dats smthng Icant believe....Its as if I spk to myself...Nw dat doesnt ahppen everyday!!! Does it????

So...wot I can learn frm dis is dat...U shud learn to xpct d unxpctd....b ready to face ny topsy turvy turn in life....n to accept evrythng that cms ur way wit both hands open....coz.....

LIFE IS A MYSTERY DAT NOONE HAS YET UNDERSTOOD!!!

Life Is Wot U Make Of It....!!!!

Life is wot u make of it…..happy if u see it happy [:)] …sad if u see it sad [:(] ….its ur choice…n its ur wish….

U cant blame ur life or ny1 for dat matter for wotevr u feel….coz u made d choice to c it wit tinted glasses….

C life as it is….black n white…don’t tint it wit ur thoughts and imaginations and feelings….watch it play lightly and enjoy evry moment…der is reason to b happy throughout…u jz have to find it….u jz have to realize….

Know it…n there!!!! U r happy!!!! U r smiling!!! [:)]

Beamin wit joy [:D] coz der is evry reason to b so….coz u deserve the best frm life…coz life cms jz once……n ur soul is as pure as dat dewdrop on those tiny leaves…. [;)]

Dont u realize…u r makin a mistake???? [:0] Those tinted glasses are just fake!!!! Throw them away!!! Ur eyes are good nuf wen left to itself….n they show u the true joy of life!!!! Savour it…

N SMILE!!!!!! BIG NUF!!!! [:D]

Coz LIFE is wot U make of it!!!!!

Dats my commitment to LIFE!!!! Smile n b Happy throughout!!!!

[:)] [:D]

Tagged!!!

The RULES:

1. Post these rules

2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves

3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts

4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named

5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged.

Hey Raves!!! Thnx for distrbng me wit a tag lik this!!! Nwz here's one for those who wanna know abt me!!! All d best for all those who read thru it!!!! To strt wit....

1. M a cmplt emotional FOOL!!! Coz evn aftr hvng gone thru sooooooo many failed relationships (to be read as frndships...) I hv nt learnt that I shudnt be livin my life by the heart....

2. Secondly, m a fulltooooo FLIRT!!!! all my frnds vil agree.....dats an open secret!!!
But, howevr, i hv nt had a single relationship..... dats a truth of ma life!!!

3. M eternally Passionate....bt nt many of them know abt this....they r jz a countable few who hv seen dat side of mine....

4. I may cm across as a very serious gal...bt a vry few know dat m d CRAZIEST gal on earth...n dat I can do the craziest thng u can thnk of....

5. N hey evry1 beware of me!!! coz m extremely possessive!!!! though I dont show it off!!!

6. I am as u thnk of me...if u thnk m a child...dats wot u vil get frm me...childish behaviour....I mirror ur thoughts abt me.....

7. M BLUNT...n dat may hurt ppl...bt i dont care...If u ask me smthng...U vil only get the TRUTH...if u dont want dat dont ask my opinion...

8. Inspite of all these...Inspite of wot i am...u vil only get love frm me...coz i am a mad gal...who breathes, eats and drinks LOVE!!!!

I thnk dats nuf!!!!

Mood: Good bt nt dat good.....bad bt nt dat bad....njoyng....bt have lots of wrk!!!!

Listening: Nothng is gonna chng my love for u....

Reading: hehehe...dis one is quite boring...M reading research papers.....

Eating: LOVE!!!!

Drinking: LOVE!!!!

I tag the following people and hope that this tag will irritate them as it irritated me...and will force them to vomit out some truth abt themselves, so that I can get back to them. :D

Sonali...
David....
Asif....
Arshad...
Ud...
Hari...
Ani...
Pradeep....

Death's Inevitable!!!

This one is for one and all.....

Let me start with a Question....

How many of you have atleast a single person in ur life to whom u have not said what u wanna....????
How many people are there in ur life whom u love/ like/ adore....bt they dont know abt this....?????
I am sure evry1 of u have atleast 1 sch person in ur life....be it ur mom, dad, sisters, brothers, friends, or any girl or guy that u like.....
If u have smthng in ur mind that u wanna tell them.....plz say it out....coz u cant b sure wen life takes dat person away frm u.....
I have had a frnd whom i have unnecessarily ignored.....he used to pester us a lot...with his talks....bt then he used to do it jz for fun.....yet coz i got irritated of it...i stopped tlkng to him....today he is no more in this world.....N nw i feel very guilty for the way i behaved with him....
I feel like sayng Sorry to him....I wanna tell him dat though he used to pester me....he was my frnd...
Bt now it is tooooooo LATE....coz he is no more between us....he will no more be there when we get together as a group.....n dat hurts me a lot.....

So I am writing this to tell one n all that....if there is nythng dat u gotta say to sm1....say it out now....before it is toooo Late....

coz den u can only regret....u can only feel guilty dat u cudnt say wot u wanted to.....

LIFE IS VERY MYSTERIOUS....U never know wot will happen when....So say out loud what u gotta say....be it Sorry....or nythng else....

So this is to all my frnds..... Thnx for being there for me....i treasure u all....each one for theior own special reason.....

I try to grasp smthng wit my hands...bt I get only AIR!!!

Times have passed....Moments have lapsed....
Memories have faded....'n everythng has changed.....

Those few words that brought a smile on my face....
Those words are lost....'n vanished into thin air....

In their place now, there's a void I cant fill.....
A lost understanding....'n an empty space....

Where there was jz fun 'n play....
Now there is only tempers that flay!!!

I try to fill the void...but in vain....
I feel I overcame it...But I am always proved wrong....

I have jz turned my back to it....
Hoping to forget 'n win over it!!!!

But even now when I face it....
It's still there...that VOID...that EMPTY SPACE!!!!

Reminding about YOU 'n a lost "ME"..........

Its sooooo true....

Times have passed...Moments have lapsed...
Memories have faded....'n everythng has changed....

[ Time 'n distance changes everythng.....Dats a fact u cant deny!!! My hand stil tries to grasp smthng in dat void!!! :( ]

Zindagi....doston.....

Zindagi mein har cheez aasani se mile, to kya maza hai????
Thodi si takleef, thodi gila na ho, to kya maza hai???
Khushiyo ki ruksat aur gamon ki barsaat na ho to zindagi nahi!!!
Aasuon ke bina hasi ki koi ehmiyat nahi!!!

Zindagi mein har pal muskaan cha jaye ye zaroori to nahi,
Par jaddo jehed (sangharsh) mein bhi jo has paye, sikandar hai wahi!!!

Saath apno ka har dam rahe ye mumkin to nahi...
Aaj yahi hai, kal kaha ho, ye khabar nahi!!!

Mita do faasale, do pal ke liye hi sahi,
Jaan lo hume, aap hi ki parchayi hai, koi gair nahi.

e-dosto, jaan na mangna humse, hum na de payenge,
Agar jaan de de, to hum doston ke kaatil kehlayenge!!!

Samjhe??? Kyuki aap dost hi to hamari jaan hai!!!

(Dedicated to all my friends... A special thnx to those who helped me learn a bit of urdu so dat i cud compile dis mch...thnx Arshad...Asif...Ayub....)

A SMILE dat refused to leave MY FACE!!! :)

Yesterday when I got up it seemed like jz another day!!!

Nothng different to do or think…Infact I was tied up wit so mch wrk that I cudnt evn thnk of getting sm rest….N dat had made me feel sick!!!! Tryng to cope wit so many deadlines together…it was another very very busy day!!!

I never thought the day wud turn out the way it did!!!

Bt it strtd d usual way, getting up late…tryng to do sm wrk….bt ended up chatting rather than doing the assignment…a frnd of mine jz pakauing me as usual….

Then sm calls….then again a bit of chattin…n by the time I strtd wrkng seriously….HERE GOES THE POWER!!!!...

N I end up yelling at d MSEB people for these power cuts – A BIG TIME NUISANCE!!!!

Nt knowing wot to do…n as pissed off as I was…I thot I wud better not do smthng related to studies…N that was a gud nuf reason to pick up my novel and finish it off!!! J

Some interesting scenes in it…reading which I ended up laughing….n sch wer the scenes dat laughter turned into a smile n stayed with me…jz refusing to GO!!!

Again wen the power came…I was bck to my wrk…bt dis time I had decided that I wud do sm serious wrk…n I strtd wit it…bt aftr smtime…getting bored…I got bck to chatting….n then 1 of my frnds showed me sm community with hilarious remarks..!!! N again dat smile wich never went away…turned into another round of laughter!!!

Later in the eve, I went out, a friend called up n there I was gvng him a treat of my faltu to faltu P.J.’s…Men!! I was having a gr8 time at his expense!!!!!! I had hired an auto n as I spoke to him on phone…I ended up gvng the rickshaw wala more than wot I intended….I cud do nothng bt laugh at my sheer stupidity, especially coz I had argued wit him to tk me to the place at a lower rate than wot he had told!!!! Dat was dat….

Nw into the temple I went…I had to ask them to do sm poojas n all….bt as I was late for the day…they said “they cant do it today”….So then I askd wud they do it tom…N I was so concerned abt it that I ended up askng the same Q a no. of times….At this an uncle there answered “Oh!! No, v wont do it tom” N he strtd laughin…coz of d expression on my face…I was worried n bewildered coz 1 said they wud do it…n the other was contradicting him….All my worry was jz dat if this pooja isn’t done then m gonna get hell lot of scoldings at home for hvng rchd there late!!!!!!!!! Bt then lukng at dat uncle’s face I realized he was jz jokin….Oh!! then I cud do nothng bt join him in his laughter….

The smile jz remain pasted to my face!!! Nt ready to leave me!!!! N there she remained….N people everywhere jz lukng at me coz I was smiling, particularly at no1 or nythng, as if I was mad!!! N that thought only broadened my smile!!...assuring them that I was actually mad!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Ignoring these stares…I walked on ‘n on…N all the while I was jz thnkng abt all those thngs dat brought a smile on my face…N I was smiling smiling n smiling all the way!!! Bt suddenly lost in thought, I tripped n was abt to fall, bt smhw I regained my balance and took care of myself…People stared at me more!!! N I cudnt help but laugh at my carelessness!!! Hehehehehe…..

N such was my day!!! Dat jz began normal bt turned out to be all smiles…n this 1 day will go dwn my memory lanes as the most beautiful n the most pleasant days of my LIFE!!!

N such days are really necessary in this fast fast world…where u hv no time to stop n think n no time to smile at such trivial issues…Bt jz thnk hw mch smile these small thngs brought to my face@!!! N hence so many others smiled to coz of me!!! N wot else cud b the best thng better than “Mkng others smile with ur own stupidity!!!!!!!!!”

So kp Smilin!!! Sch trivial issues cud also mk ur day the best…So gv them a thot!!! N don’t jz let them float by as if it doesn’t matter!!!!

Am I wrong?????

Am I wrong?? Am I bad??

Am I just one heck of a gal
Who always does everything wrong??
Who doesnot know how to behave??
One who doesnot know how to speak??
'n doesnot, above all, know to keep mum???

Am I wrong, if I do simple things like, sway to the music??
'n dance to the beats of a song??
If I while away my time, by doing things I like??

Why is it that whatever I like is always bad or forbidden??
'n when I finally do it, I get hell lot of scoldings....?

Am I wrong, if I chatter away endlessly???

If not, then, why do people wonder when I will shut my mouth???
Then again, if I keep mum, why can't they stand my silence...

What people donot understand is that....
These are the ways to keep worries of my mind....
To smile even in desperate times,
'n to shun the tears, that otherwise fill my eyes.....

It feels so lonely!!! with noone to speak to 'n fight....
With noone to share my feelings....
'n noone to confide, I realise!!!
'n so when I get someone...on 'n on I go....chattering wildily...
speaking about good 'n bad times with much ado....

Am I wrong??? Am I bad???
The Question still remains unanswered...
'n I wonder and wonder....
'n while doing so off I drift to sleep....
wetting my pillows...n fighting against sheer pain....

(mebbe I am bad...n wrong...coz y wud evry1, otherwise, have a prob with me???)

Nostalgia.....

When I look back at those beautiful days,
How I wish I could get them back
It brings a smile, slow and subdued...
In concert with tears of pain and hurt....

When I think of those tender moments with you,
How I miss them and How I miss you!!!
Your memories well up in my eyes...
A product of our affectionate ties...

They long to see you and hold your stare....
Although you are in them everywhere....
Sweetheart!! for you, I do care!!
Anything for you I will bear...

Nostalgia rushes through my veins,
Rushing in like waves of sweet pain....
Breaking, one after the other, the walls...
Walls of my strength and will power...

Breaking through them and leaving me bare...
Naked to hurt and the desolate air....
Uhhh!! Nostalgia.....

----Dedicated to my darling friend....u make me feel divine... :)

A million thanks to my frnd who has helped me make this poem more effective...thanks a lot....

Why am your Friend????

You wonder why i came into your life????
I came as the sunto brighten your day....
As the stars to make your nioght beautiful....
As the moon to tell you that noone is ever perfect....
'n above all to make you realise that
You are incomplete without me....
Like the sky is incomplete....
Without the above three!!!

{The reply i cud thnk of when somone asked me "ye namumni friend mere life mein kyu aayi??? hehehe...}

The World is an Oasis.....

The world is an Oasis....
An oasis of trustworthy people....
An oasis of faithful people....

They seem to be there...
They seem to exist...
Jz around the corner....
At the next bend of life....

They seem to allure you...
With their charm...
Their talks...their sweetness
'n they will keep alluring you...


They will keep praising you...
For what you are 'n what you are not....
Till they suck out what they want....
Those leeches!!! Those parasites!!!!

Satisfy them with all that you can give....
'n they will move on....
They will merely disappear into the crowd....
Without even as much as a courteous word!!!

Oh!!! The world full of Selfish People!!!!

To just be......

Give me pain, I don't care...
But gimme with it the strength,
To hold everythnig in me,
To just be.....

Give me some joy, 'n I'll share....
But gimme with it the people I care,
To keep a smile on their face,
To just be....

Take away my love, 'n I won't say a word....
But keep him my friend forever,
To care for him 'n love him,
'n to just be....

Take away all my joys....
'n fill me with all the sorrows,
'n still I'll smile, I'll smile....
Just keep him with me.....

My friend, My love....
My strength, My joy....
Keep him with me 'n I know....
I can take the world over!!!!

[I can stand to lose my LOVE, but never a FRIEND!!!]